By now most of you will have read Ana Marie Rizzuto's Birth of the Living God. Post your thoughts on how object relations theory informs our ministry as counselors, teachers, parents and pastors. Which case study impacted you the most? I can't get away from the deep sadness of Benadine Fisher. Her life was totally void of anyone who could in a significant way mirror to her a healthy image of God. Her parents were infantile and needy and unable to provide Bernadine with security that she longed for. So when asked to draw a picture of God she could only draw "a bright warm clean feeling." There was no one there...
Bernadine was covered in shame and felt she was so "bad" that she was beyond redemption. I know of some people like this. You can preach about God's love and they don't get it. Some of them, like Bernadine Fisher, have chronic borderline personality disorder and can suck the life out of you....but it is never enough. Here is where transforming experiences are vital in changing self/world.
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This is an accessible--to the layperson--account by Dr. Rizzuto of her study of religious beliefs and how they are formed. Her inquiry rests upon a particular psychoanalytic approach, object relations theory, but her observations are not close-minded; their value is not restricted to those who hold to that theoretical position. She reviews Freud's views (negative) on religion and responds to them, out of her own experience with patients. Originally conceived for the purpose of instructing religious educators in the psychological processes that cause the formation of beliefs, secular as well as religious, Dr. Rizzuto makes clear the importance of parents, and other adults, to a child's development toward psychological maturity, sacred and profane.
The story of Fiorella Domenico touched me deeply; I saw a lot of myself on her story in the sense of her family. The father and mother figure is likely my parents, I remembered when I got married in 2002 that I started to have panic attacks, I was separated from my family environment into this different world call marriage (I live with my parents until the age of 32), I moved from the Island of Puerto Rico to Maryland where I did not have anybody, just my husband and I, from a warm and sunny Island to a cold and frigid state. That separation start causing my panic attacks, I wanted to be with John Doe (ex-husband) at all the time, I used to wait until he got in bed to go sleep…it was a difficult transition in my life, as of today by the grace of God I have overcome that experience, but separation in many ways can be beneficial or destructive if the person is not ready for that change.
Object relations theory informs our ministry when we can understand why people have developed their perspectives. Frankly, the text was rather difficult to me to read due to my lack of familiarity with much of the vocabulary, but my general perception was that when we can understand the other person’s linkage/object representation to the current problem situation, we can begin to help guide the person to a healthier position, led by the Holy Spirit.
The story of Bernadine Fisher was troubling to me because it does remind me of some of the situations in life where I have felt most powerless to help others. She reminds me of a very troubled young lady (N) to whom I tried to minister, with limited success, over a couple of years of intermittent contact. As I read Bernadine’s story, I saw much of N’s experience: a mother who was troubled and continued to have children despite problems, a father who was difficult, dependence for affection from a grandmother, and the death/absence of several key people early in life. Having read this material, I can begin to understand some of the problems N had with object representations. I cannot fully understand it at this time, but I see a glimmer of understanding through these pages.
Bethzaida, thank you for sharing your perspective and the personal connection. Thank God we can learn from and through our difficult life experiences and then use that to help others.
The object relations theory informs our ministry, in my case, as a counselor or teacher at this point of my life is trying to be as healthy as possible myself. This is the best way to help our “kinds” (where it’s an adult kind or a chronically kind) with their “difficulties” with God. We can not do anything good for them before we become someone relate to them in crisis moments to reshape their “distorted” God. Among “know, be, do”, “be” processes “know” or “do”. When we mirror God for our kinds, in Rizzuto’s word, “if the God we present is too discordant with the experience we offer them, our words will confuse, frighten, or even make them close their ears.” We try not to do harm to our kinds. Retracing in their [ministers’] own lives the sources and vicissitudes of their God representation is helpful, as Rizzuto suggested.
To minister to other kinds of God is to emanate life and representing God. The ultimate resource of life is God Himself. Our journey of reshaping our representation of God is a life-long process. I heartedly agree with Rizzuto that Continuous reshaping of the God representation for others is a delicate art which requires respect for the child’s adaptive or defensive activities. Work with God in his timing and direction, respect every one all the time.
The case study of ”God, the Enigma” troubles me the most. Unlike absent God in Benadine Fisher’s case, Daniel Miller got a negative picture of God. It require erase before it become a “blank” shift for Daniel to reshape God’s image in his mind. Congruence was lacking in the developmental chain of Daniel’s image of God.
Just a reminder that the class roll is checked according to the responses to the post on the blog. As of Wednesday evening only three people were "present" this past week. This is not a good sign!
Cheryl Johns
Dianne said:
The author's research demonstrates proof of the value of parental awareness and attentiveness to their children at each stage of development. Their needs are great at every age, and the example their parents demonstrate to them is formative. This formation occurs whether the parental modeling is good and appropriate or is completely missing. We certainly saw this in each of the case studies.
Though I lament the lack of proper environment for each of these persons, I too am torn by Bernadine. I am not too bothered by her lack of putting a "person" image as a representation for God. It seems to me that her feeling of their being a God and that that knowledge gives her a warm clean feeling may be partial evidence of God's attempt to reach her even through her lack of healthy imaging in development, so that she has this sense of him. The thing that gets to me is that she can see him and think all around him, but she cannot imagine herself WITH him. Her self concept is never going to allow her to receive his goodness.
Dianne again:
I forgot to address the question of object relations informing ministry. Object relations is certainly a part of every child's development, and every person who works with any age human should be aware of that dynamic so that person is aware of her/his influence on others. (It might also help ministers to realize that the way persons relate to you has everything to do with what and who has happened to them before you ever knew them.) Many are the children who do get the proper attention, care, mirroring, etc. at home, and are hungry for it. As ministers in whatever capacity we MUST be aware of the necessity of mirroring Christ and reaching out to these hungry ones so that we mirror to them a healthy self image and validation of their worth.
Understanding object relations theory is essential to our ministry as counselors, teachers, parents and pastors. A professor of mine once said that perception is reality. The intent is irrelevant because people only have and know what they perceive. Understanding how people perceive their lives, relationships, and the roles of those around them and how they relate to and interpret them gives us as ministers in whatever capacity insight into how they view themselves, God, those around them and how they react to their lives. We must understand that everyone comes from a specific context that informs the way they comprehend and cope with their reality. Fiorella’s reality did not extend beyond the scope and the security of her family.
It was the case study of Daniel Miller, however, that impacted me. I found my heart breaking for him. He had such ambivalent feelings toward God as a result of who his father was. He wanted to believe but chose to protect himself. He could not risk becoming vulnerable and hoping for a loving God and finding a God that was much like his father. It was easier for him to deny a relationship with God because of the character of the Old Testament God that matched his father than it was to entertain the idea of a benevolent God in whom he desperately wanted to believe. Daniel could believe that God must be wise and benevolent, saddened by man’s inhumanity to man, but to take a closer look and know that God at the risk of finding out he is not real was too much for him. There are so many people like Daniel who protect themselves at all costs. It is extremely difficult to take a risk when you have been hurt before by those close to you. And for Daniel and others like him, if God proves to be like the (hard, callous and cold—in Daniel’s case) person that they are so afraid of, what more is there to hold on to? Daniel can at least imagine that God is benevolent as long as he does not get to close to know otherwise.
Object relation definitely informs us in any area that we work with people. The very nature of it interested me from the work that she did with Freud all the way through as she developed it. I was very interested in the way as we develop from young children through the stages of life. I think it hit me kind of funny as I thought about counseling and ministry the way that if we bring God up or someone parent depending on how they saw their parent it is possible for them to see God in that same manner as that experience. Relating or representation is very critical for me to help my member or client.
Douglas O’Duffy was a very interesting story as it intrigued me when I seem to relate to the way felt about being unloved and unrecognized by his family. The more I read the more that I saw him look at his mother as someone who was holding him back and as she was the one who was the devout religious person and he had a problem with her it became God’s problem. He looked for ways to discredit the church and the Priest in order what I believe is to discredit God.
The further the story went he did not get into Princeton he settled and that is not the way he was he strived to be greater than all in his family looking for recognition from those who would not give it. When he saw his mother he did not like her and related religion to her but his great father it seems as that was his hero, a vision of a great upright man and not one coming against him. The problem is that when his hero was found to have been not even close to his vision he project that hero upon himself and tried to make that person out of himself, as he stated in the beginning that He may be God. The best thing that could have ever happened to him is the car wreck because it made him have to replay his child hood and may have helped him to see his true self.
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